Orange in the UK (first scenario)
by wilmot
Summary: AU: The story transferred to the UK to see what the differences would be. This is the first, and most likely scenario. Arrest but no charge.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.**

_**A/N1 Ever since I read Piper Kerman's book, and even more since I saw the Netflix series, I have wondered what her experience would have been like if she had committed her crime in the jurisdiction of England and Wales. I live in London. Although our incarceration rate is under a quarter of that of the United States, it is one of the highest in Western Europe. Additionally the prison population has more or less doubled over the last 20 years, a time when the crime rate has halved according to the British Crime Survey. I am planning to write two fics on this. This one describes what I think is the most likely scenario, that following the Police investigation the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) decide that it is not in the public interest to prosecute. The other one will look at what happens if she were prosecuted and found guilty.**_

_**A/N2 What I describe in this chapter are standard British Police procedures for a planned arrest where minimal resistance is expected.**_

It was Saturday morning at 6:30 am. Piper Chapman and Larry Bloom where in bed. They had had a heavy session at the local pub the night before, both were hung over and probably still over the legal alcohol limit for driving.

Larry was woken by the door buzzer followed by the sound of fists pounding on the door. He groggily got up from the bed and looked out of the window. What he saw sobered him up. There was a Police van and three Police cars. About ten Police Officers, some in uniform, others not, were standing outside the front door, one was pounding his fist against the door. A battering ram was at the ready.

One of the Officers looked up and saw him at the window.

"UGHH what is that noise?" Piper asked groggily, waking up herself. Her head was pounding.

"Lots of Police knocking on our door! I'd better go see what they want." he replied.

He put on a dressing gown and went downstairs. When he opened the door he was flattened against the wall as eight officers rushed into the house.

"Where is Piper Chapman, sir?" a uniformed Sergeant asked.

"Upstairs still in bed!" said Larry, his voice registering shock.

Three female officers, two in uniform, ran up the stairs.

The Sergeant showed Larry a piece of paper. "This is a warrant to search these premisses, sir." he said.

Upstairs Piper was getting out of bed when the door burst open and the three women entered. One of the women was in plain clothes, although she wore a stab vest. She spoke.

"Your full name please, madam?"

Piper was desperately trying to cover her naked body. "Piper Chapman. Who the fuck are you?"

"I am Detective Sergeant MacDonald." DS MacDonald showed Piper her Warrant Card and continued "Piper Chapman, I am arresting you on suspicion of Conspiracy to Import Class A Drugs contrary to section 3 of the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 and section 1 of the Criminal Law Act 1977. You do not have to say anything but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. This officer will stay with you while put on some clothes." She indicated a tall, heavy set, tough looking woman in uniform.

Piper grabbed a bra and knickers from the floor and put them on quickly trying to cover herself with the duvet while she did so. She then put on a top and a pair of jeans. The officer took the handcuffs from her belt. Piper was cuffed with her hands in front of her. Her arms were crossed with her left hand pointing to the right and her right hand pointing left. The cuffs had a wide solid bar covered by black plastic connecting them with the result that she couldn't move her hands from the position they were in.

She was led downstairs. A shocked looking Larry was still in the hall. It was now ten minutes since the Police had entered the house. The specialist search units were arriving to begin their work.

Piper looked at Larry with shock and fear on her face.

"Don't worry darling. I'll ring my dad." was all Larry managed to say as she was led out of the house to the waiting van.

Larry turned to the Sergeant.

"Where are you taking her? And why?" He was trying desperately to hold it together and remember the questions that had gone in with his baby food but that he had thought he would never need.

"Piper Chapman has been arrested on suspicion of Conspiracy to Import Class A Drugs and is being taken to Kettleford Police Station sir." The Sergeant said.

"Can I phone our solicitor?" Larry asked.

"You have one, sir?" the Sergeant sounded surprised.

"My dad, Howard Bloom of Bloom, Jones and Partridge." Larry replied.

"You may do so, sir." said the Sergeant.

Larry phoned his parents, hoping his mother would not answer, she did.

"Hi mum."

"Larry! What are you doing ringing so early on a Saturday morning." It was more a statement than a question.

"Can I speak to dad? Is he there?"

"Your father's here. When are you going to bring that lovely girl to meet us again? It's been two weeks! Too long! Some children come to see their mothers."

"Yeah, sorry, can I speak to him?"

"Ahh you don't want to speak to me? Some sons speak to their mothers!"

"Mum this is urgent! Please please let me speak to him."

Howard came on the phone.

"Larry what is so urgent that you have to wake me on a Saturday morning?"

"The Police are in my house. They've taken Piper in handcuffs."

"My boy! Is this a joke?"

"No dad it is deadly serious." Larry was beginning to sound desperate.

Howard switched to professional mode.

"Do you know which station they've taken her to?"

"Kettleford. She been arrested for Importing Drugs of all things."

"OK I'll get dressed and drive there."

"Thankyou dad!" Larry sounded so very grateful.

"The really bad news is that your mother would like to speak to you again!"

As this was going on Piper was arriving at Kettleford Police Station. The van stopped in the yard at the back of the station. DS MacDonald and the uniformed officer who had driven got out. The back door of the van was opened and then the inner cage door was also opened and Piper was lead out of the van and through a back door into the station building. She was barefoot.

She was then lead down one flight of stairs. They were buzzed through a door into an area in which a uniformed sergeant stood behind a counter with a computer on it. The DS spoke.

"This is Piper Chapman of 22 Aschburn Road, London E22. Arrested on suspicion of Conspiracy to Import Class A Drugs. I am the arresting officer. I am requesting detention for interview and to secure and preserve evidence."

"The relevant time for PACE is 07:10." the Sergeant said as he typed at his keyboard. He then asked Piper her date of birth and told her she had the right to have someone informed of her arrest and to a phone call. A printer printed a form that he handed to the DS.

Piper was now released from the hand cuffs and the Sergeant came round the counter and guided Piper down a corridor on both sides of which were formidable looking doors which had small blackboards alongside them. On some of the blackboards names and offences were written. The Sergeant stopped outside a door that was open with no name on the board.

"You are to wait in here, madam." he said.

She walked into the cell. The door shut behind her with a loud metallic clang. She heard the sound of a key turning and a heavy lock engaging. She then heard the observation hatch close and a latch being secured.

Only now did tears begin to fall. Through the tears she took in her bare surroundings. Only a waist-high shelf with a very thin mattress and two threadbare blankets on it and a stainless steel toilet with no seat or cover for company. She sat down on the shelf which she supposed was meant to be a bed.

Outside the words "Chapman, Conspiracy Import Class A" had appeared on the blackboard by her cell door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.**

Piper looked round the room some more. The shelf/bed occupied the whole of the width of the wall facing the door so the room was maybe 1.8m wide and maybe 50% longer than it was wide so 2.7m?

Other thoughts flashed through Piper's mind competing for attention. Thoughts of Larry, what was he thinking? She had edited her past with him. Hadn't told him about two years of her life, two years that had now come back to bite her. He thought she was a law abiding straight girl. He knew she'd travelled after getting her BA at Durham, but she'd been sketchy about some details.

She knew full well the event that had landed her with the early morning raid by the Metropolitan Police. The _Metropolitan Police!_ She wondered vaguely if she'd be taken to New Scotland Yard to be grilled. That one time thing when Alex had been in deep shit and had asked for this one small favour...

She hadn't felt she could say no. Alex had paid for her... everything for 18 months. So Alex had applied covering make up to the tattoo of a kingfisher in flight* on her neck, supplied her with a wig and false passport, given her a ticket to London and then another one for the Brussels train from St Pancras International and a suitcase of money. Alex had flown from Manchester. Piper had taken the train to Euston then walked along the Euston Road praying she didn't get mugged, not that this ever happened on that busy thoroughfare but you never knew!

The train from St Pancras had taken just over two hours. Alex had only just made it to their rendezvous in time. They got into a taxi and delivered the money in exchange for more heroin to be delivered by mules, cut and sold via the country-wide distribution network that the organisation Alex was part of had set up.

That was the one and only time she'd got involved with Alex's business. She been aware of what it was of course. She'd been aware of what paid for the lifestyle they enjoyed together. She'd been aware but had ignored it and just enjoyed the travel and the sex. Despite herself Piper grinned at the memory of sex with Alex in exotic places...

But tears were still falling. She'd have to tell Larry – and her own parents. But first she'd have to tell Larry's dad! UGHHHHHHHHHH. Those were conversations she was not looking forward to.

A key was inserted in the lock and turned. The door opened. She hadn't been aware of it but the Sergeant had checked to viewing hatch first.

"Your solicitor is here. Come on." he said.

She walked wordlessly towards the door and out.

"Wait!" the Sergeant ordered. Then he locked the door. She saw the blackboard with her surname on it. More tears threatened but she managed to hold them back.

She then followed the Sergeant to his desk where a woman in plain clothes was waiting.

"This is Detective Constable Maltby, she will escort you to the interview room where your solicitor is waiting." said the Sergeant.

"Follow me." said DC Maltby.

They travelled the labyrinthine corridors typical of a London Police Station. Police Stations are in many ways odd buildings. Part prisons, part offices, part interrogation suites, part washing and changing facilities, part medical facility, part all hours restaurant. They are the ultimate in multi-purpose.

Parts, like the cells, are intended to intimidate. Parts, like the offices, are normal, what you'd find in any British work place except that some of the occupants have uniforms on. Parts, like the interrogation suites, are intended to lull people into a false sense of security to make them reveal what they would rather was hidden. Parts were intended to give a real sense of security to frightened victims, these were called the soft interrogation suites and resemble living rooms. Sometimes they have toys for child victims to play with as their stories, sometimes the most horrific a police officer would ever hear in their entire career, were coaxed out of them patiently and gently.

Piper was led into a room. There was a desk against the wall at which two men sat. One was Howard. There were two other chairs facing each other with only air between them. In the one nearest the door a woman had been sitting. She had risen when the door opened and was now turning to face Piper.

"Hello love, I'm DC Coleman, I'll be interviewing you later but first I just wanted to make sure we're treating you right. Have we given you breakfast? Or anything to drink?" she said.

Her voice was as warm as a fluffy blanket and seemed to envelope Piper in its caress. The accent was not the harsh London one the others had had but was probably from rural north Yorkshire or maybe south County Durham.

"No nothing to eat or drink." said Piper, close to tears again.

"Well that's not right. Is it DC Maltby? Let's see if we can get her something from the canteen." said DC Coleman, a tinge of anger in her voice.

"Yes, what would you like love, we can do a sandwich or maybe some cereal or would you like something hot? A cup of tea? Or are you're a coffee person? Or maybe a bottle of juice or perhaps water, love?" This was the cockney tones of DC Maltby but they were softer now too.

In the corner Howard felt fear for Piper. He had seen this routine maybe a thousand times since the passing of PACE, but he'd never seen it done so well.

The Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984, known to all as PACE, had stopped the Police beating confessions out of suspects. Or just making up confessions without bothering with the beating. Since then all interviews had had to be recorded. Nowadays they were video recorded.

"A sandwich would be nice, Tuna and Sweetcorn would be nice, or maybe plain ham with or without mustard. Water too. Thank you so much." Piper said. Howard groaned inwardly, still he'd have some time to repair the damage. But he had to get Piper's story too, so he was pressed.

DC Maltby went off presumably to the canteen.

"Right let's show you and your solicitor to the private room so you can have a private chat." with that DC Coleman showed Piper and Howard to another room with 'Legal Consultation – if engaged knock before entry" on the door. The door had a lock that reminded Piper of public toilet cubicles, the kind with a rotary sign that says either 'free' or 'engaged'. This one said 'free'. DC Coleman opened the door and motioned for them to go in. Piper followed Howard into the room.

Howard closed the door and closed the latch so that 'engaged' appeared outside.

*I changed the tattoo to something more British deliberately. Whilst there are plenty of dolphins and whales off the British coast (including Orcas) we don't really make much of them. A British woman is, in my experience, far more likely to have a bird tattoo.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.**

"Piper, try to remember that none of the Police Officers here are your friends. If they act friendly it is because they think they have a better chance of getting the information they want from you that way." Larry's dad, Howard, was saying to her. "Now have you got any idea what this might be about?"

"Not my friends? Of course they are not my friends! They want to put me away." Piper was shaking. Howard touched her arm. After a deep breath she continued "I haven't told Larry about this yet. I will though."

"Good. I can't tell him anyway but you are going to have to give him an explanation."

Piper nodded. "Yes, I will have to." pause, deep breath and drying of tears. "It happened ten years ago. I was involved in a relationship with an older women, I think she was then about my age now. Her name was Alex Vause. She was involved in an international drug ring. It was lead by a Nigerian named Alaji." She took a deep breath and looked at Howard. He had his professional game face on and was pretty much unreadable. "My involvement with the ring was minuscule. One time and one time only I carried a suitcase of money by train from Manchester to Brussels."

"OK, That will probably get you three to four years. If it is three years you'll probably only spend - maybe 9 months in prison. You'll probably be electronically tagged for a further 9 months and then 18 months on licence."

"Even so it is a ten year old offence." Piper sounded desperate.

"Which is one of the reasons why I think we may be able to persuade the CPS that it is not in the public interest to prosecute you. One of the other reason is that I think you may be more valuable to them as a witness. But given what you have told me if you wanted to pursue an active defence of a not guilty plea at trial you'd have to appoint another Solicitor and lie to them."

"Thank you!" said Piper, she was grateful in the extreme for the small slither of hope.

"Don't thank me yet. It could still go wrong. Let's prepare a statement to give to the Police." He said.

The spent half an hour preparing Piper's statement.

Howard then rang the bell and unlocked the door to indicate that they had finished.

DC Maltby came into the room.

"Before you interview my client can I have a word with the SIO?" Howard asked.

"I'll see if she is free. But first I am afraid I have to escort Ms Chapman back to the cells." Said DC Maltby.

The SIO is the Senior Investigating Officer, the Police Officer in charge of the investigation.

Piper was then lead down to the custody suite and locked back into her cell. After about half an hour Piper heard the door being unlocked. The Custody Sergeant brought in a ham sandwich and a bottle of water for Piper which she gratefully received. The Custody Sergeant then re-locked the cell door.

After another hour Piper heard the sound of the door being unlocked again.

"Follow me" said the Custody Sergeant.

Piper followed him into a room.

"Because you have been arrested I have to take fingerprints and a DNA sample before we proceed further." he said.

When the sample and fingerprints had been taken Piper asked "What happens if I am not charged with anything?"

"Because you've been lawfully arrested we will keep them on record." He said.

"Can you do that?"

"Yes by Code D of PACE we can keep the information on the Police National Computer."

Then the Custody Sergeant informed Piper that she would now be asked to formally sign the statement she and Howard had prepared before being bailed to return in three months time. She did all this and met Howard by the back exit.

"Would you like a lift home?" he asked.

"Thank you, but I think I'll walk. I want to get clear in my head and think about what I am going to say to Larry."

He nodded. "Don't delay that talk. The longer you delay the more difficult it will get."

They parted ways.

Piper walked the mile or so home in bright mid autumn sun. It was about mid-day. When she got back home Larry was waiting, as was Polly.

"Polly came to see you to give you some good news." he said when he opened the door.

"Oh? Can we sit down somewhere and I have something to tell you." she said.

"Would what you have to say explain this morning? I am assuming mistaken identity." His voice had an edge to it.

"No not mistaken identity. Let's sit down."

"OK. Should we ask Polly to go?"

"No, she may as well hear this too." In truth Piper thought Polly's presence might moderate Larry's reactions.

"OK"

They went into the living room. Polly got up and hugged her. Piper started crying. Polly and Piper had been at Durham together. The had hit it off despite being from completely different backgrounds. Polly was an EastEnder from Stratford. Her dad was doing a ten stretch for armed robbery.

"They let you out on Police Bail then? I was expecting to see you in a fucking sweat box on your way to the mags Monday morning for a session before the beak." Polly asked.

"How did you guess? Yes I am on bail. To return in three months when I will be told whether they are charging me or no." said Piper.

Larry's mouth opened but no sound came out.

"What's it t' do wit' then? Fucking twatty cunt and her dealings?" Piper nodded. Polly rose from her chair. "You'll be needing a cup of roasie for this conflab. I'll go and put the kettle on." Polly was on her way to the kitchen to make some tea.

"Thanks" Piper said weakly.

Piper turned to Larry.

"Who is twatty cunt?" He asked.

Piper took a deep breath. "Her name is Alex Vause, We were lovers before I met you, long before. Anyway she was high up in a drug importing organisation." She paused to check Larry's face. It registered shock. "One time she asked me to carry a load of money, cash, in a suitcase from Manchester to Brussels by train. That was ten years ago."

"How much did you tell my dad? And how much did you tell the Police?" He asked.

"You're a bright boy Larry but that was an idiot question, she told both everything. Or she wouldn't be home yet." said Polly.

"This Alex was a girl?" Larry had registered the 'she'

"Yes." answered Piper.

"OK gonna say this one time. I told you fucking twatty cunt was a wrong 'un." said Polly.

"Yes she was. But I got to go to places, travel." said Piper suddenly feeling the need to defend herself.

"You mean your travel after Durham was paid for by drug money?" said a shocked Larry.

"Larry she don't need blame from you, mi old china. She needs both our support." said Polly.

"No there are things I need to know, I mean are there any dead bodies? Have you killed? This feels like an episode of 'Luther'!" Larry was getting up steam. Piper burst into tears.

"Now look what you've done!" said Polly as she hugged Piper close.

Larry couldn't help wondering if Polly was just a friend...


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.**

_**A/N1 Bits of cockney slang from the last chapter (sorry I didn't explain them at the time) 'china'=friend. 'Roasie'=tea (from Roasie Lea), I'll try to be better at explaining these as I go. Living in the East End of London some of these are just natural. I'll try using Larry as the conduit and see how that feels. Oh and 'Luther' is a hard edge Brit cop show with very blurred lines between cops and robbers. It is available on Netflix, it is said to be Barack Obama's favourite TV show. **_

_**A/N2 I hate to criticise Jenji but if this was a British show I feel certain that Polly would have been gay to make it clear that her dislike of Alex didn't stem from homophobia. I have therefore done this.**_

Piper pulled back from Polly.

"You've got a slight bump! Was that the good news you were going to tell me? It worked! Jen's egg and donor sperm yeah?" she asked with a genuine smile on her face the first time today.

"Yep. four months gone but didn't wanna say until all the results came back normal. You're the first to know. Well apart from her indoors of course." Polly said.

Larry laughed – he hadn't heard the phrase 'her indoors' to refer to one's wife in a long time.

Jen and Polly had been together for five years. They had married three years ago in a Civil Partnership ceremony at Kettleford Town Hall and planned to convert their Civil Partnership to a Marriage when they were allowed to in 2014. They had been through three cycles of IVF before this one took.

"Do you know the sex yet?" Larry was grateful for the distraction.

"Not yet" said Polly.

"Still it's wonderful news. Just what I needed after the day I've had! I hope I am free for the birth." said Piper.

"Yeah you should be. Even if they charge you you should make bail and the trial won't be for at least 9 months the way good old British Justice works. Unless you go on the run. The Costa del Crime, mi dad always fancied that." Polly said with a laugh. The Costa del Crime is a reference to the time not so long ago when there was no extradition treaty between the UK and Spain.

"Yeah but there's the small matter of the extradition treaty these days." Larry was wondering where this conversation would lead. He was certain he wasn't equipped for life on the run.

"There's always South America. I doubt there is a treaty with Argentina!" said Piper only half joking.

"Yeah but you'd miss the Cricket, that's what stopped dad." said Polly.

Larry laughed. This conversation was getting surreal.

"Anyway we're having a few friends round tomorrow night to celebrate. Was going to invite you but after this morning you probably want time on your own." said Polly.

"No. What do you think Larry? Perfect antidote to this morning?" said Piper.

"Yes!" Larry threw up his arms in a gesture of confused submission.

"OK, I'll fuck off then! As soon as you hear anything from the filth you let me know, all right?" said Polly looking directly into Piper's eyes.

"Who are the filth?" Larry was confused.

"You know, Pigs, Old Bill, Fuzz, Cops." Piper was looking at a very confused Larry, "The Police Larry, do try to keep up."

Larry still looked confused and decided to change tack "Have you got the car with you? Can I give you a lift." he asked.

"Come off it Larry it's only just down the frog." said Polly.

"Frog? That's road right? From 'Frog and Toad'?" said Larry.

"The boy's learnin'" said Polly.

With that she left.

"I love your friend but at times it sounds like she's talking a foreign language." said Larry after she'd gone.

"I think we'd better invite your parents over for drinks this evening and tell them. Your dad is having to split himself in two at the moment. Your mum deserves an explanation." said Piper.

"Yep. But first we need a chat." said Larry.

"OK, but you now know everything." said Piper.

"I don't feel like I do." said Larry.

"I need a beer. Got any of that Pride left?" asked Piper.

"Eat first." said Larry.

"The filth gave me a ham sandwich. Seemed appropriate really: eating their relatives." said Piper with a smirk.

This was too much for Larry.

"So you've been living it up while I've been sitting here worried sick all morning?"

"Yeah, being locked into a 1.8m by 2.7m cell with only a bed and a stainless steel loo for company is your idea of living it up is it? Must remember that next time we book a holiday!"

"Sorry darling, really really sorry." said a mortified Larry.

Piper walked out to the kitchen found a bottle of Fuller's London Pride and poured it carefully into a pewter tankard.

"What would you like to eat?" She asked.

"A sandwich. I think we have some meat from the relatives of our early morning visitors in the fridge." Larry sounded a bit more relaxed.

"Any mustard on that?" asked Piper with a relieved laugh.

"Yeah! And a tankard of Pride." said a distinctly relaxed sounding Larry.

Piper downed her half litre in one swallow and then made Larry's sandwich and poured his beer and another for himself. She carried the drinks and food into the living room and put them down on the coffee table.

"So how did you meet Alex, through Polly? And did you and Polly?" Larry asked between mouthfuls.

"No Polly and I are just friends and always have been. Alex is the only woman I ever slept with." Piper took a sip of beer before continuing. "I met Alex when I was looking for casual work in a pub in Manchester."

"The Gay Village?" asked Larry referring to Manchester's famous LGBT friendly region around the old canal.

"Yeah, I'd tried everywhere else. Polly and I had written a CV*. Well a pack of lies actually. But it didn't work anyway. She was at a table with a group of women my age, I later learned that they were mules back from a successful trip. She came over to where I was sitting, made fun of my CV and invited me over. I think at that stage she had me in mind for a mule Anyway we went out on our own that night, she kissed me, and that was that. I was very much in love with her. She seemed glamorous and sophisticated." Piper took another sip. "Anyway that is how we met."

"And criminal." said Larry.

"Yes but I didn't find out about that until we were going to a party in Manchester one night. Polly had come up from London. I think she thought if I'd met someone in Manchester she could too. Anyway her 'this one's crooked' antennae were twitching the minute she met Alex. She tried to warn me. But I wouldn't listen. When I asked Alex what she did and who the people at the party were going to be she told me the truth. But I was so in love with her that I didn't bother. We went to the party and Polly told me it reminded her of the parties her dad threw for local villains in Bethnal Green. He's met the Krays you know, he was at Reggie Kray's funeral. Anyway I should have listened but I didn't." Piper stopped.

"Right, OK why did you carry that bag of money?" Larry thought he was getting to know Piper all over again.

"Alex told me she was in deep shit and would I please help. Her organisation was in danger of collapsing. She promised me it would be a one time thing and I could get the train the whole way, no chance of loosing baggage. So I agreed." Larry arched an eyebrow. "Larry she'd paid for everything for two years! I couldn't say no!" Piper said then she continued "Then she asked me to do it again a year later and this time I came to my senses and said no. I left her in Bali. I was quite cruel - her mother had just died. Now you know everything. I wonder if she told the filth about me in revenge! I'll fucking kill her if she has!"

"Do I? Really Piper do I? I still feel like I'm in the middle of a Luther episode. Oh and please don't mention killing someone again even Alex. I think you're being serious!"

Piper got up walked to where he was sitting and sat in his lap with her arms round his neck and faced him.

"Yes" kiss "you" kiss "do" kiss.

Larry still didn't look convinced. But once Piper had got up he went to phone his parents to invite them over for drinks.

Once Larry had finished his phone call Piper called her parents to get a family meeting arranged at their house near Virginia Water for the following Sunday

_*CV (Curriculum Vitae) is what we Brits call a Resumè._


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.**

_**A/N1: I have had discussions with Oystercatcher1 about Polly. I am going to continue to portray her the way I have been doing because it feels more natural to me for a UK Piper to have a best mate from a different part of society like both my sister and I have had. Also it strikes me that Piper was rebelling in her early twenties and thus would have sought friendships with people outside her social class at University. I have drawn on family, friends, current and former, and one particular former work colleague in constructing the UK version of Polly. **_

_**A/N2: There are some bits of cockney rhyming slang that are heard throughout England 'butchers' for 'look' (from 'butchers hook') comes to mind, when one of those comes up I'll explain it in the text rather than using Larry (poor boy).**_

_**A/N3 I have drawn on another former work colleague in constructing the UK version of Larry's mum. My former colleague had been at the Greenham Common Women's Peace camp in protest at the deployment of cruise missiles at RAF Greenham Cmmon.**_

It was seven o'clock that evening when the door buzzer went. The dishes from the evening meal were in the dishwasher and Piper and Larry were trying to relax before his parents arrived.

"That'll be my mum and dad. You ready?" said Larry.

"As I'll ever be."

Larry let his parents into the house.

After Larry's parents had been greeted, divested of their coats and sat down with drinks Piper began.

"Amy, this is mainly for you since Howard and Larry already know this."

"Yes my dear, thank you, but whatever it is I am sure it won't be a problem for me. I had more than my fair share of youthful indiscretions I can assure you!"

"OK thanks. Once I start this story I don't want to be interrupted as it is difficult to tell."

There were nods all round.

Piper then told the story uninterupted. When she'd finished Amy spoke:

"Oh is that all! I thought there'd be dead bodies! I do so like a story with dead bodies."

"Uh?" to say Piper was surprised would be an understatement.

"Well does this change who you are now, dear? No of course not!"

"Thank you so so much." said Piper, letting out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

"No need to thank me." Amy turned her head to address Larry, "My boy you make sure you look after this girl. None of your moralising now. You fell in love with her, so love her, be in love with her! Remember none of this changes who she is now." pause "I spent a few nights in Holloway you know!" Gasps from Larry and Piper. "Oh I was involved in student protest movements in the eighties, helping the Greenham Common women. Well, I got arrested at a protest in Grosvenor Square, outside the American Embassy, when I was a student. I was charged with Criminal Damage and refused to pay the fine. So I ended up in Holloway for a week! It's how I met your father." Howard nodded in confirmation.

Her Majesty's Prison (HMP) Holloway is a large, by British and European standards, women's prison in north London with an capacity of 501. It used to have a seriously bad reputation. Her Majesty's Chief Inspector of Prisons (HMCIP) very publicly marched his team out of an inspection of the prison in disgust in December 1995 and refused to return until conditions improved. Since then things have got a lot better, for instance officers now regularly choose to eat from the same menu as the inmates. That is not to say that there aren't still problems with the latest report in 2010 noting that most inmates still didn't feel safe.

"DAD" Larry was panicking. This was becoming like multiple episodes of 'Luther'.

"I got her out. I was a young law student at Cambridge. I heard about these protesters being arrested for trivial acts. I volunteered to help in any way I could."

Larry was getting an entirely new view of his parents.

Piper wondered what her parents were going to say. It wouldn't be anything like this, she was sure of that.

They chatted on for a bit and then Larry's parents left.

"So how does it feel to be surrounded by criminals?" Piper asked playfully.

"Don't even." Larry's voice had a warning note.

"Sorry." Piper was having difficulty not giggling.

After a bit Piper said "Pub for last orders?"

"Really? After today?"

"Especially after today!"

"Oh all right then!"

They walked in to the pub. Larry went to the bar to get a pint for each of them while Piper found a table.

"'ere love what was going on in your street this morning? Police and that." a man she didn't know asked Piper.

Piper decided to go for a cheeky version of the truth. It'd be in the local paper by Friday anyway.

"They were arresting me of course!" she said.

The man laughed uproariously.

"That's a good 'un that is love." he was barely able to get the words out he was laughing so much.

"I'm an international drug smuggler, can't you tell?"

The man laughed some more.

"Got any of that 'eroin love? I 'ear it's real good for chilblains!" He chuckled.

By then Larry was back with the drinks. He looked at the scene in front of him with a mixture of amusement and horror.

"Oh you're all right mate. Your good lady 'ere was just telling me how she got arrested this mornin'!"

More uproarious laughter.

After he had left and Larry was certain no one else was within earshot he said "What did you tell him that for?"

"Larry: as Polly would say, 'get that down yer Gregory!'" Piper pointed to his pint. "I was fairly certain he wouldn't believe me and in any case it'll be all over the local papers next week. I'm fairly sure I saw a reporter in the crowd when I was taken away."

"Not you as well! Gregory?"

"It means neck, darling, neck from 'Gregory Peck'." said Piper with a smile.

Larry looked horrified. The man, who was now at the bar, looked on and decided he would get the local paper this week because you never knew, she might have told him the truth and he needed a new supplier. She would be burned of course but she might know someone...


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Orange is the New Black does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing the characters.**

The next day Piper and Larry were going to Polly and Jen's house in the afternoon and Piper was looking forward to seeing the couple again.

Polly is an industrial chemist at a pharmaceutical company in Hertfordshire, her wife Jen is a market maker at Canary Wharf. Together they make quite a lot of money so they could afford one lof the few large houses in the area that hadn't been turned into flats. It has a large garden for the area too so the friends who had been arrived had been deposited there for a barbecue. Polly also has a flat in a town near where she works to stay in if she's working late and can't get back to London, she uses it two or three times a week.

Both women are Cockneys born and bred and deeply proud of their roots.

Jen started trading at the age of ten by helping out on the market stall her parents still run on Whitechapel Waste near the infamous Blind Beggar pub. Her family had been costermongers going back several generations, buying fruit and veg at Spitalfields market and selling it to the public of Whitechapel. Jen regards this heritage as a real advantage in her current job.

Polly's were criminals, dockers and fishwives. Tough in other words, Polly had punched and kicked her way through primary school. At secondary school something had clicked and she'd got her head down and discovered chemistry. Albeit at first it had been the prospect of making explosives to blow safes with that had attracted her but she'd ended up with a love of the subject itself. Whilst at Durham she'd developed an interest in the interface between biology and chemistry. She stayed to complete a PhD in that area. Her dad had been in HMP Durham at the time so that was handy. Also at the time Piper had been bumming it round Europe with her lover. There was something about Alex that hadn't sat well with Polly and she had hoped her friend wasn't as naïve as she appeared.

Polly and Jen met in a nightclub under a railway arch on The Minories, not far from the Tower of London. It was the nightclub's women only night and it was known as a lesbian hangout. It hadn't been love at first sight exactly more love at first hear! Jen had heard Polly tearing a strip off the barmaid for overcharging and had fallen in love, So she sympathised with a "She were a bit Alan Border weren't she?". The reference to the former Australian Cricketer being slang for 'out of order' which itself is slang for 'wrong and uncalled for'. Jen then introduced herself and offered a hand which Polly shook and things went from there.

They'd kissed and gone back to Jen's flat for what both women had assumed would be a one night stand. Except neither of them had been able to leave it alone. They'd met at cafés and pubs. Eventually they had had dinner together with more sex to follow. They both realised they were falling heavily for each other. Finally Polly offered her love. Jen had accepted and they'd moved in together two months later. Eventually they'd found this house, sold Jen's flat with its view of the Thames and got a huge mortgage to buy it. And started to think about planning to have children.

So Piper and Larry were standing about with bottles of beer in their hands talking to Polly the next day, at a barbecue to celebrate Polly's pregnancy, in Polly and Jen's back garden.

"'ope you don't mind Pipes I told Jen about the incident yesterd'y." said Polly.

"Well; probably best, it'll be in the local rag on Friday anyway. How'd she take it?"

"No probs there love, she's a cockney – you know our attitude to the filth!" Polly paused "I expect your mum will try to blame me!"

"Probably but I'll soon set her straight there. You tried to warn me that Alex was up to no good. I just wanted excitement and to be a little daring. Oh and I was in love."

"You were that, 'opeless. Odd really though, I'd 'ad enough of excitement and danger wi' mi dad. And gettin' in'o all sorts of fights at school."

"When's he due home?"

"Yeah, 'e'll be away for another six months. Should be back around the time of this 'uns arrival." Polly pointed to her stomach.

"Oh his first job might be babysitting then!"

"Yeah told 'im that in mi last holy! Ain't 'ad 'is reaction yet!"

Larry looked confused 'Holy what?"

"'oly grail – you know! Email" said Polly.

"You can email a..." Larry got kicked hard by Piper.

"Yeah – there's a service but 'e ain't got the 'ang of sending so 'e uses snail mail." said Polly.

In some UK prisons inmates can receive emails (which are printed out by prison staff and then delivered) but they cannot send them.

"I say Poll introduce me to your ravishing friend!" said a female voice with the kind of accent that sounds like the possessor of it has something, usually assumed to be a plum, in their mouth. The possessor of this one was a tall, slim, well dressed and accessorised young woman with a shortish black bob of hair under a cream coloured cloche hat. She was carrying a large glass of red wine.

"Oh 'ello Julia, love!" said Polly. "Larry and Piper, this is a colleague of mine the 'onerable (no less) Julia Smythe! Julia, you dishonourable li'le scroat, this is Larry Bloom, 'e's a wri'er, and Piper Chapman, who's in PR."

"Not for much longer I suspect after my arrest yesterday." said Piper without thinking.

Larry groaned.

"OH I say! Really? What? Oh do tell! Were the frightful rozzers really beastly darling?" Asked Julia quietly as she looped her arm in Piper's and lead her to a quiet part of the garden leaving Larry with Polly.

_Rozzers_ is mild British slang for the Police.

Piper was highly amused.

"Now darling I want to hear everything." said Julia in a conspiratorial whisper.

"Not much to tell really..." and Piper told the story to a woman she had only just met but already, for some reason, trusted.

"And they really handcuffed you and threw you in the back of one of those vans? How impolite of them!" said Julia at the appropriate point in the story.

She continued: "And I expect the estimable Polly will provide you with a lot of support but hand over your mobile darling, I'll give you my number, if there is any help you need just call. I was at school with several top lawyers you know. Most of 'em owe me favours. I mean, dash it all, we fought a war with the Chinese for the right to sell opium to them! And I mean look what prohibition did in the US. It'd be much better if the stuff could be sold openly and most people would get bored of it pretty quickly! Don't you agree darling? Anyway what's wrong with a bit of addiction? Sir Walter Scott produced some fine work high on Opium. Also if you end up needing a job I've got some contacts I could use."

The Opium Wars (1839-1842 and 1856-1860) were indeed fought for this purpose.

Piper nodded and unlocked her phone and gave it to Julia.

"Now be a dear and send me a text so I've got your number." Julia said as she handed Piper back her phone.

Piper did.

Piper then went to rejoin Larry and Polly.

"Julia normally eats men! You're 'onoured!" said Polly and left to find Jen.

Piper laughed. Larry looked worried. Julia came to join them.

"Tell you what. What are you two doing next weekend? Only my parents are having a do and there dragging me along. I'd be delighted to have a little group of friends there. I am sure we can persuade Poll to come if you two do. She's been reluctant." said Julia.

"We would love to but we're telling Piper's family on Saturday and will be staying with her parents." said Larry.

"Well the do is Sunday. Where do your parents live Piper?" said Julia.

"Near Virginia Water in Surrey." said Piper.

Julia Squealed. "Perfect. The house where my parents are having the do is there too. Pottleswade Manor, do you know it?"

Piper's eyes widened. "My parents have Pottleswade House!"

"Yes? Well bring them! I'll square it with mummy now!" Julia got out her phone and started rang her mother.

After a bit Julia finished her call. "Yes. She's looking forward to meeting you. It's just a barbecue nothing formal so dressed as you are will be fine."

"I'll just ring my mum and let her know." said Piper.

"While your doing that I'll find Poll and tell her she's got no excuses now. Oh by the way will you need a lift back? I'm organising a minibus to drop people off afterwards." said Julia.

"Please." said Piper

"OK then bring any luggage with you and we'll store it for you until it is time to go."

Piper got out her phone and rang her parents house. Her mother answered.

"Hi mum, listen the reason I'm ringing is because a friend of Polly's has invited us all to an informal do on Sunday."

"Well mum you're invited too. Our whole family is invited, informal dress, so I'm wearing jeans."

"Well that's a pity it is at Pottleswade Manor after all!"

"Yes I can wear jeans. I've been told to."

"Yes a friend of Polly's! The Honourable Julia Smythe."

"So that changes it does it? Oh there's a surprise! Bye mum."

She cut the call.

"She'll come," Piper said to Larry then added "Seems she might be thawing to Polly now she knows she is friends with Julia. Snob."


End file.
